CUNTWATCH: SOME PEOPLE AREN’T CUNTS BUT MOST PEOPLE APPARENTLY STILL ARE CUNTS EDITION
As banned by Facebook
PART I: Those who are not cunts
Never thought I’d see the day anyone in the Royal Fucking Pain in the Arse Family ceased to be a cunt, but giving back all the taxpayer money you spent on your mansion, dropping your daft fucking made up titles, and going ahead and telling people to vote in elections even when a bunch of weird British people convinced Victoria is still on the throne tell you you can’t, definitely makes you not cunts.
Meg and Harold are legends, and deserve nothing less than a round of applause for their defiance of all the cunts and nonces in Buckingfuckingcuntingham Palace. I would offer to buy them a pint but they’re in the Netflix business now, so drinks are on them, the wonderful cunts.
PART II: Back to the good stuff
Matt “Don’t kill your gran by catching coronavirus” Hancock is still a fucking cunt. The health secretary has the bollocks to blame young people for the beginning of a second wave of Covid, but lacks the spine to acknowledge that in fact, telling people not to catch coronavirus when you’ve just sent the fucking country back to school and want them all back in the office is the most fucking absurdly moronic, stupid fucking thing anyone has ever heard in their life ever.
Matty deserves nothing short of a fucking lobotomy, because clearly his brain is purely for decorative purpose and he can use the space it frees up to shove more cocaine and bullshit up there.
Priti Patel is still a fucking cunt. The home secretary has no problems about pursuing policies that directly lead to people fucking drowning in the channel, because the real issue is Extinction Rebellion stopping a few miserable, bitter fucks getting their copies of the Sun in the morning. Without even mentioning the words ‘Climate Change’, Patel launched an attack on XR for a simple act of civil disobedience.
That’s right — you can ignore the fact that the European Council just gave the government an actual formal warning for its efforts to suffocate press freedom, because the real threat to free speech is a bunch of hippies in a van parked in an inconvenient spot.
On that note, Robert “Fucking Demonstrable Criminal Coward” Jenrick is still a cunt. Much like Patel, he reckons XR’s innocuous boycott is an actual threat to free society. Robbo, you fucking bent twat, you took an actual fucking bribe from a Tory donor to shit on your constituents and approve a property development they didn’t fucking want. XR aren’t a threat to free society, but you’re a fucking threat to democracy, transparency, and everything resembling decency.
Priti, Robbo, come down to the pub and I’ll buy you both a drink. And by ‘buy you both a drink’, I mean I’ll stand on the table and piss all over you like the fucking urinal cakes you are.
Johnson dodges questions like Bezos dodges taxes, like Keanu dodges bullets, like… I can’t think of a third thing but he’s a jammy fucking dodger, is my point.
There are actually, genuinely, too many things to say about the Prime Minister. He’s crooked. He’s a coward.
But most of all, he’s just a fucking cunt.
Viva la republic, long live Harry and Meghan, everyone else fuck off.
